Dancing Moonlight
I laid back on the lawn, watching the stars overhead as clouds drifted lazily above me. The breeze was one of those that you get only in the summer, carrying warmth, moisture, and sweet smells, telling tales of places far from home. It carried promises of rain to come, and a breath of life that was not to be surpassed. Breathing in the delectable air was like breathing in a renewal of my soul. It felt good, and filled within me an emptiness that I had felt there for a long time.
The wound I suffered was one not readily healed and bore down on my inner self like a lead weight placed upon my chest. It was mostly in the moments that I was alone, isolating myself from the rest of the world in order to better contemplate it, that I felt the depth of my emptiness. It filled the space where once something had resided and that void flowed out into the rest of my being, pulling apart the basis of who I thought I was. It was like a viscious beast, tearing at my insides, and lashing out with claws and teeth bared to injure me as much as it was able. Little had I known how deeply my loss would cut me. I had not known that it would dig into me, bore through me and make me less than I had been before. I had thought that perhaps I would become stronger, that perhaps it would give me something for which to strive and fight. I now discovered that it only gave me more reason to feel contempt within myself for myself. It was heart wrenching and yet coldly satisfying to a part of my mind that always cheered against me. It satisfied a part of me which laughed and pointed, reminding me that it had told me I was worthless. Until this moment beneath the stars and the moonlight I truly had felt that way.
Now the starlight sprinkled the sky with multifaceted diamonds, twinkling brilliantly before me in a display of beauty that humanity could not begin to challenge. The moon hung overhead in full glory, it's silver light dancing across the earth, illuminating the ground below in a soft way that was as comforting as the sun was abrasive. Somehow by all this I felt deply comforted, even as I watched one star shoot across the sky darting from one star to another (or so it seemed) in its short lived flight across the sky. It made my lips curl into a smile that I had not known was there, it returned to me a peace that I had thought I had found long ago, but had manged to lose somewhere along the way. THe feeling of wholeness that I had missed so much after my wounding, began to return for a while. I felt a wonder stir within me once again and life renew itself in my heart. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing and just dancing upon the wet grass in my bare feet. I danced to no music, but to the rhythm of wonder and pure unadulterated jow that dwelt within my innermost being. I found myself alive again, and overwhelmed with the wonder of it all once more. I was reborn, once more I was alive and at peace.
The wound I suffered was one not readily healed and bore down on my inner self like a lead weight placed upon my chest. It was mostly in the moments that I was alone, isolating myself from the rest of the world in order to better contemplate it, that I felt the depth of my emptiness. It filled the space where once something had resided and that void flowed out into the rest of my being, pulling apart the basis of who I thought I was. It was like a viscious beast, tearing at my insides, and lashing out with claws and teeth bared to injure me as much as it was able. Little had I known how deeply my loss would cut me. I had not known that it would dig into me, bore through me and make me less than I had been before. I had thought that perhaps I would become stronger, that perhaps it would give me something for which to strive and fight. I now discovered that it only gave me more reason to feel contempt within myself for myself. It was heart wrenching and yet coldly satisfying to a part of my mind that always cheered against me. It satisfied a part of me which laughed and pointed, reminding me that it had told me I was worthless. Until this moment beneath the stars and the moonlight I truly had felt that way.
Now the starlight sprinkled the sky with multifaceted diamonds, twinkling brilliantly before me in a display of beauty that humanity could not begin to challenge. The moon hung overhead in full glory, it's silver light dancing across the earth, illuminating the ground below in a soft way that was as comforting as the sun was abrasive. Somehow by all this I felt deply comforted, even as I watched one star shoot across the sky darting from one star to another (or so it seemed) in its short lived flight across the sky. It made my lips curl into a smile that I had not known was there, it returned to me a peace that I had thought I had found long ago, but had manged to lose somewhere along the way. THe feeling of wholeness that I had missed so much after my wounding, began to return for a while. I felt a wonder stir within me once again and life renew itself in my heart. Before I knew what I was doing I was standing and just dancing upon the wet grass in my bare feet. I danced to no music, but to the rhythm of wonder and pure unadulterated jow that dwelt within my innermost being. I found myself alive again, and overwhelmed with the wonder of it all once more. I was reborn, once more I was alive and at peace.
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