Walking The Perimeter...

I'm doing good today.

I took some time out for myself - actually drove out to sit under the sun - it was a beautiful day for it. And I had a lot of thoughts, some of which I'll write down, some of which will go in the journal I keep in my bedroom.

I realized that all the trouble and all the pain can be pushed past -even the parts that have carved indeliable scars in me. I have to keep learning this lesson, time and again, and yet each time it's like it's new.

Today's flavor was realizing that the bits of world that so many of us take for granted have near infinite details. The closer you look, the more you see.

Life is like that. You get the dirt, the splinters of the bench I was lounging out on, the way the sunlight dances with the scattering effect of the trees overhead, the whispering as the wind blows -- it was a beautiful day out today. And I made myself stay out there, instead of hiding in the house all day like I normally do on weekends.

I got landed on by bugs, crawled on by a few ants - and I saw that by looking closer at my surroundings, that they were there - and going about their lives like I wasn't even there. They adapted to the fact that they had to cope with the invasion of their space by concrete, faux wood shavings, and carefully manicured trees. And when the people weren't actively trying to kill them off, with their chemicals, their boots, and their rolled up newspaper, they survive. And are themselves.

And today, whenever I had a bug land on me, or my book, I carefully blew them off, set them down, and otherwise stayed out of their way.

Over the course of an afternoon I changed places a number of times, sat here, or there, and occasionally stopped to talk to myself, because I needed to talk a few things out. And then, and only then, did I voice the thoughts I'd buried.

I realized that I hated being alone even as I realized I was okay with it.

I realized it because I suddenly noticed there were no birds around me, though the signs of them were there.

I realized that by living with people, I let them limit the things I could do.

I realized this because I let go of my worry about appearances and danced. Really danced. I took off my hat, my jacket - and then my shoes. And I figured on a holiday-weekend Saturday in the middle of a business complex, nobody was around.

It felt really good.

I realized that I have skills and poise, but I'm not so proud to accept help when I need it.

I learned this by crossing a set of landscape boulders while walking around the area that I'd discovered - and that while I might have wanted to do it without using my hands, I wasn't about to let myself fall off and get hurt. And so I let myself do what I needed to get the task at hand done.

Instead of feeling I needed to look good. To do it 'perfectly', or 'right'. And the funny thing was, walking along the path of stones to get out, when it didn't matter - I fell off.

Today I am grateful for the lessons that I learned - and for the problems, that, for the moment, I have escaped from.

Some of the best TheSoceityInc lessons have no words. But if this one did, it is this:

Make space for yourself. Not to guard what is yours, but to live what is yours. And learn to draw your perimeters wherever you go.