Are you sure we're ok?

Looks like me and Kay are friends again. I guess I should be estatic, but what for? I love her loads, but we shouldn't have fallen out in the first place. It was her fault and i am glad she appologized for it. but she still did it. She still ripped everything out of me and made me hate myself even more. I didn't even understand why. Its hard to pretend you 'love' yourself when nobody else does, and you know exactly why. She will shout at me again. She will hate me again and we will fall out, again, but I should not fear this. I should not curl up when this happens and try so hard not to be the first one to appologize, because I always am. Everyone waits for me to roll over into my 'I'm shit, walk all over me please' mode.

Whats the point in putting up a fight to one who know that you'll lose? Academically i am stupid and I know that, but sometimes I see the things that everyone else that i'm with miss out on. Sometimes I wish I didn't because I'm classed as strange. Otherwise, it gives myself a break from their confusing minds.

To sum everything up i guess i may aswell say ..