Looking back

I was having such a terrible day today and decided that it was best if I just drive around and let the ill feelings subside. I ended up in an old park that I used to frequent during my younger days. It started out with the swings then moved on to the basketball courts, baseball field, footbal field.

It's been quite some time since last I stepped foot there. As you grow up you don't have enough time to just play the games that you used to play. The world becomes more and more complicated. You have to worry about getting a job .. then of course there are the unending bills to pay .. and don't even get me started about the complexities of women, most my entries speak of that.

I started walking around the park. The courts were full of people shooting the ball around. On the field there were a number of groups, some playing soccer other football and a handfull of baseball players. There was also a barbeque going on. The grills cooking the hotdogs and hamburgers. The sound of music is heard from the booming radios.

I was surprised with the feelings that overwhelmed me. I remember the boy I once was and the infinite energy that he had. The boy grew up, like all boys do.

What saddened me about the entire experience was not about the memories of the youthful magic moments. What got to me were the lack of moments created. It's as if I grew and never really accomplished anything. The only thing I seemed to have racked up are regrets ... too many regrets.

Things I never did or people I never talked to. Instead of looking back at my younger days and laughing about the crazy things that I did, all I can remember are women that I was too afraid of approaching, friendships that I never let develop, words that remained silent within me.

The greater saddness is knowing all this and not acting upon it. Instead of learning from the past I seemed to have fallen victim to it. Knowing what's wrong and changing it are worlds apart. I've only come upon realization and nothing more.