The First Time

I can't remember when was the first time I took Arianna to her mom's grave. My sister was gonna come with me but it was something i wanted to do on my own. i haven't taken Arianna with me before, and i've been there very few times by myself, but it didn't really help to be honest. after we left, i took her around to the park...thats where i can think about Zura easier. i'd rather go to places that i can sit for a while and remember the times we were together there, than sit beside a grave. i duno why, it just felt better to take her to a place where me and her mom were happy together and not to a place that just seems dead.

The strangest thing was, when we got home i was lifting her out of her pram and she looked at me and smiled. of course, she probably didnt really smile, cos i've been told that babies that young aren't able to, but it was so weird cos i just thought of Zura when she looked at me like that, and instead of feeling angry and mad that Zura was gone, i kinda felt happy that i still have a piece of her left. that must sound so strange but i felt like i wasnt as alone anymore, and that she's never really gonna be gone as long as i have Arianna.