Sigh. I miss her.

I feel off right now, and I don't know why. Actually, I do, and I feel horrible because I convinced some one to take a risk, and they got hurt because of it. I can't explain why or how, I can even really say who or what. I just... I feel horrible for it because I didn't mean for anything to come of what I said. Then again, maybe I did. I don't know. I just know that people need to follow their gut and their hearts, because if you don't take those risks, you never know what could have been. Then again, some people don't mind at least having the ability to say "what if" or "if only." The thing is that's just not the way that I have ever been able to think that I could live my life. I have to take chances, and jump off the edge of the cliff. Whether I fall and shatter or someone manages to catch me, it doesn't matter. At least I made the jump, at least I knew the thrill of flying through the air. There's always the fear of falling and never getting back up, but at least you felt something for a while. At least you tried to fly, that's more than most people can say.

Sigh. I miss her. I miss her more than words can say, and it hurts so much. The thing is that the pain has just become familiar. It's no less sharp than it ever was, but it's slowly become a part of life, one of the usual constants. I just want to go back in time, to the times when we've laid curled up together, just on the verge of sleep, with her head rested against my chest, listening to my heartbeat. I want to go back to just listening to her tell me the things that she's thinking, and stroking her hair, and just being lost to the world outside of her.