I'm content to stay right here and think
I stand at a crossroad looking down two paths while looking back at the one that has led me here. I've made many journeys, seen many things, gathered many ideas, and collected many friends. I've walked my path alone, but not unaided. I've meandered along, scraping my arms, cutting the soles of my feet, becoming a display of scars and bruises that tell the tale of where I've been.
I'll rock back and forth on my heels, humming a tune and reminiscing over these things. I'll ponder the moments I stood out in the rain with people I love. I'll recall how it felt the first time I fell in love, or the first time someone kissed me and called me beautiful. I'll remember the first time someone told me I was wonderful and it actually meant something to me and resonated so that I could believe those words. I'll wonder how it is that I came to this place where I know the choice that I will make, but hesitate to take the final steps.
Still, I do not turn around and run away from what must be. I do not feel torn inside about this decision I know will come. I merely stand back and wonder about the roads I could have chosen and wonder what I might have become. If I'd never told anyone that I love them; if I'd never shed a single tear; if I'd never reached out and kissed that person; if I'd never spent eight hours on the phone with someone; if I'd never discovered the joy of folded over potato chips; if I had never called someone a friend... would I be who I am today?
Or was I destined to do all of these things? Was some divine hand intervening when I survived every fall that might have killed me? Was someone reaching out to protect me from every mistake that I've ever made? If so will it still be watching over when I walk onward and away? I'm waiting and thinking and wondering over these things. All the while I know where I will go, know which path I will choose. For now though I'm content to stay right here and think, until the moment I decide to move.
I'll rock back and forth on my heels, humming a tune and reminiscing over these things. I'll ponder the moments I stood out in the rain with people I love. I'll recall how it felt the first time I fell in love, or the first time someone kissed me and called me beautiful. I'll remember the first time someone told me I was wonderful and it actually meant something to me and resonated so that I could believe those words. I'll wonder how it is that I came to this place where I know the choice that I will make, but hesitate to take the final steps.
Still, I do not turn around and run away from what must be. I do not feel torn inside about this decision I know will come. I merely stand back and wonder about the roads I could have chosen and wonder what I might have become. If I'd never told anyone that I love them; if I'd never shed a single tear; if I'd never reached out and kissed that person; if I'd never spent eight hours on the phone with someone; if I'd never discovered the joy of folded over potato chips; if I had never called someone a friend... would I be who I am today?
Or was I destined to do all of these things? Was some divine hand intervening when I survived every fall that might have killed me? Was someone reaching out to protect me from every mistake that I've ever made? If so will it still be watching over when I walk onward and away? I'm waiting and thinking and wondering over these things. All the while I know where I will go, know which path I will choose. For now though I'm content to stay right here and think, until the moment I decide to move.
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