The way out is through

Sitting here thinking aloud, I browse through my notes trying to come up with something worthwhile to write about. I rant far too often about wishing, changing things that I cant seem to get my mind around. 

I suppose It came to me, the whole why of things. I've been asked repeatedly about why I don't do something to end it. My sister had a journal, far away in my past. One of her entries was an exclamation on a point. "He's always depressed, why doesn't he just kill himself already"

So tonight, I will answer that.

I want to sit high upon a mountain as the sun gently kisses the clouds, rising from it's slumber. It paints the white cotton with a pink light, a kiss of dawn that explodes upon the tapestry of blue that bathe's the sky.

I want to experience love in all it's true form, as entries past. A love of sweet surrender that never tarnishes, yet grows in maturity and power. To give of myself in all my capacity and in turn receive something that can never be described with words, nor coherent thought. To gently push the hair out of someone's eyes, and gaze deeply into them.

I want to wipe away the tears, fall on my knee's and know that what I am, or will become, is so much greater than I can possibly ask for. To be the man I was meant to be in God's eyes.

I want to write a series of books, that inspires. Give's young people dreams to walk in my footsteps. For in the imagination, is the power to create worlds, breathe life into old and stale minds.

I want to be a good friend, and know that when my time does come. People will miss what I was able to do for them; if anything at all.

I want to be remembered, not some piece of paper that describes who I left behind.

I want to know that I no longer need to fear, because things happen for reasons that are inexplicably unique.

I want her to know, that I will die before I hurt or make her cry again.

 

So this is my why. I may not always be happy, I may speak of darkness more often than it's worth, only because that is a part of me. I've accepted that I'm not normal. I will continue to dream, I will never give up on my passions *Poetry, writing* .

Nay, while the night may fall around me, it's in the light of comfort I see with eyes open and pure. This is life, and the journey taken, the path chose; I will survive it.