Drowning in oblivion
Drowning in oblivion, hoping to swallow it all whole and manage to force it down the right way so that I don't kill myself in the process. Have you ever wondered at the fact that in your bleakest hours, you seem to find the deepest inspiration, the greatest strength, and a well spring of love you never knew you had?
I feel my hands shaking when I stand still for too long. I want to move, to be doing, to be exploring until there are no more hidden corners in the maze. I've been moving around within, searching the darkness, finding things that I love and cherish. I have discovered that I do not always like the happy, fluffy bunny. Some days I want to be that beast with every inch of my being. I want to let out the passion, the hunger, the anger, the bleeding, aching, screaming savagery that lurks inside. Oh God, I can feel it inside. Except there is also this unnerving sense of peace that's hiding in there as well. I can't explain it.
All I can say is that I'm tired of being the child. I'm ready and willing to remake myself in my own image. The person I am with my closest friends is the person that I want to be all the time. I want to be open and honest. I want to share and know and be known and be bold. I want to run through the grass beneath the moonlight and roll down hills while listening to classical music. I want to be mist and moonlight, to growl softly in some one's ear. I do not want to be mystery, I want to be creation. I want to be something that I can not explain, but I feel a desperate need to become.
I feel my hands shaking when I stand still for too long. I want to move, to be doing, to be exploring until there are no more hidden corners in the maze. I've been moving around within, searching the darkness, finding things that I love and cherish. I have discovered that I do not always like the happy, fluffy bunny. Some days I want to be that beast with every inch of my being. I want to let out the passion, the hunger, the anger, the bleeding, aching, screaming savagery that lurks inside. Oh God, I can feel it inside. Except there is also this unnerving sense of peace that's hiding in there as well. I can't explain it.
All I can say is that I'm tired of being the child. I'm ready and willing to remake myself in my own image. The person I am with my closest friends is the person that I want to be all the time. I want to be open and honest. I want to share and know and be known and be bold. I want to run through the grass beneath the moonlight and roll down hills while listening to classical music. I want to be mist and moonlight, to growl softly in some one's ear. I do not want to be mystery, I want to be creation. I want to be something that I can not explain, but I feel a desperate need to become.
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