Why do I get so afraid sometimes
...I'll be harmony to every lonely long, that you learn to play. When you're soaring through the air, I'll be your solid ground. Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there, when you come back down, when you come back down."
I love her. I just want to be close to her right now. That's all that I need is to be held in her arms, to have that reassurance that those arms won't ever be closed to me.
"I'll keep looking up, awaiting your return. My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn, and I won't feel your fire. I'll be the otsher hand that always holds a line, connecting in between, your sweet sheart and mine. I'm strung out on that wire."
Why do I get so afraid sometimes that I'm going to lose her? What is the irrational fear that I have? I don't understand it and yet I do. I understand it because I have let so many things slip through my fingers through my own negligence. Even now, I still feel like the things that happened with my ex... THE EX, were in some way my fault. I'm beyond wanting her back. I'm beyond mourning over it. I am not beyond the fears and self doubt that it instilled in me. Those wounds are things that go even deeper. I'm not beyond the hurt that was caused, and the mistrust in even something as wonderful as love. Love can be unrequited, unreciprocated, and unwanted. I always worry that my love will be rejected. It all goes back to those stupid insecurities, and self doubts, the constant wondering if I'll ever be good enough for anyone, especially myself. I usually think that I'll never see the things that she does, that I'll never be able to see the beauty that she does, or even the talent she seems to think I have. All I know is that I often feel like I'm pushing myself towards some goal that even I do not ultimately perceive, and yet the drive to reach it is insane. I constantly feel like I am falling short, even though I don't know what it is I'm falling short of.
"And I'll be on the other end, to hear you when you call. Angel you were born to fly, and when you get too high, I'll catch you when you fall."
"Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings, I know the sky is calling, angel let me shelp you with your wings. Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there, when you come back down."
I love that song, because it best describes how I feel about all of her. Even if I were to let her go in the small degrees that I think I am going to have to start letting go, I would still wait around. I would still love her just as much, no matter what the time or distance. Maybe that is the most frightening part, is knowing in my heart, that I could never give her up, because it has become a part of who I am. It is something I cherish and I want to keep in my life. I've had very few things come through, that have been like that.
I love her. I just want to be close to her right now. That's all that I need is to be held in her arms, to have that reassurance that those arms won't ever be closed to me.
"I'll keep looking up, awaiting your return. My greatest fear will be that you will crash and burn, and I won't feel your fire. I'll be the otsher hand that always holds a line, connecting in between, your sweet sheart and mine. I'm strung out on that wire."
Why do I get so afraid sometimes that I'm going to lose her? What is the irrational fear that I have? I don't understand it and yet I do. I understand it because I have let so many things slip through my fingers through my own negligence. Even now, I still feel like the things that happened with my ex... THE EX, were in some way my fault. I'm beyond wanting her back. I'm beyond mourning over it. I am not beyond the fears and self doubt that it instilled in me. Those wounds are things that go even deeper. I'm not beyond the hurt that was caused, and the mistrust in even something as wonderful as love. Love can be unrequited, unreciprocated, and unwanted. I always worry that my love will be rejected. It all goes back to those stupid insecurities, and self doubts, the constant wondering if I'll ever be good enough for anyone, especially myself. I usually think that I'll never see the things that she does, that I'll never be able to see the beauty that she does, or even the talent she seems to think I have. All I know is that I often feel like I'm pushing myself towards some goal that even I do not ultimately perceive, and yet the drive to reach it is insane. I constantly feel like I am falling short, even though I don't know what it is I'm falling short of.
"And I'll be on the other end, to hear you when you call. Angel you were born to fly, and when you get too high, I'll catch you when you fall."
"Your memory's the sunshine every new day brings, I know the sky is calling, angel let me shelp you with your wings. Take every chance you dare, I'll still be there, when you come back down."
I love that song, because it best describes how I feel about all of her. Even if I were to let her go in the small degrees that I think I am going to have to start letting go, I would still wait around. I would still love her just as much, no matter what the time or distance. Maybe that is the most frightening part, is knowing in my heart, that I could never give her up, because it has become a part of who I am. It is something I cherish and I want to keep in my life. I've had very few things come through, that have been like that.
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