Maybe I'm A Little Strange

The thing that amuses me most is that I think far more than people give me credit for, at least upon first impressions. Perhaps this is a good thing. In some ways it is because it gives me an advantage in the long run since I can always surprise them. I don't know. Sometimes I think that I think too much though. I tend to sit back and become totally absored in thoughts to the point that I don't really pay attention to much else. Often times I lose sleep because my mind just will not stop zipping all over the place, trying to make connections, trying so hard to comprehend everything in minute detail.

I wonder why it jumps so quickly sometimes. I keep thinking about this weekend. I keep wondering about things. In particular thinking about how, even though he says it all the time, it still makes my heart jump a little, still makes me excited and afraid all at once. I guess it really shouldn't, but it does. I think it always will. Last night my friend told me that I had been looking for "true love" since day one, which is true in its own sense, I suppose. I guess the thing is that, I never really expected to find it. I had always felt in the back of my mind that it was never going to happen, no matter how much I looked. I had made my plans to grow up to be a wild old woman, living alone, and quite content to be so. I had kind of settled into that vision of myself, even though I was dating at the time. Dating was more for fun, I was still looking to meet the right person, but it was just something I did because I could. Why not? I usually became emotionally involved with the person to some degree, but looking back, I have loved only one besides him. Perhaps two, but I question myself on the second one because... the circumstances were strange. I don't question my feelings, but their depth and basis in reality and not my own imagination. It doesn't really matter.

The sky has been very beautiful the last few days. The clouds and the sunset last night were incredible. I did not get to watch all of it, but when I saw it the sun was just getting low on the horizon. The clouds looked a lot like pulled cotton, and the sun had splashed the ones closest to it with a thick light golden color, making it into clover honey against the pale sky. I saw serpents and firebirds in the clouds, stretching endlessly across the blue, and I stopped to watch them fly. It was just another one of those moments that is wonderful for solitude, but would probably be even better shared.