Birthday Card

Writing this message to you and already running out of space
A commitment and an obligation
to work the shaking hands from the anxiety attacks
remove the sweatshirt with the holes and bleach spots
find a toothbrush and a Valium
block terrors out with the Playstation loud
wish I could see your face over the cake
see if you smile like I hope you do
candles are obscuring my view
burning out my tear-dry eyes to the hollows
stomach convulses every morning
it's like laughing, just louder and with more vomit
some people are capable of extraordinary heroism
but it's all I can do to lurch out of my hole
Hallmark card in hand, hand in pocket, hand to forehead
a great achievement for one day out the year
I'm breaking. The wrapping paper is snapping.
A camera flashes.
Did you know this one was for you?
Does it matter who it's from?
wish I could give you hope in person
wish I could see your face over the cake
wish when you blew out the candles, you wished something
good for me
you blow the candles out and I feel your breath on my face
and it blows fears away