I Look At You

I look at you, and see all the things I wish I was, all the things that I could never be. Every time I look at you, I simply want to touch you, hold you, lean against you, find some way to bury myself inside you so that I might forever be a part of you. I want to be a part of you as you are a part of me. I look at you, and I know so many things that cannot be expressed with words, yet I try desperately to find some way to say it. I seek vainly to tell you everything, but it is never enough. Yet, I know that you understand. I know, when our eyes meet, when I see everything in the ocean of your eyes, see the depth of all this, all the things that move beneath the surface. I know and it nearly overwhelms me.

Sometimes I sit and think about it, and it hurts because it feels so large that I wonder if I can hold it. Sometimes my fingers shake, and my body aches, my whole being longs to tell you, to say all those things that cannot be said, the things that I will never say, because they are just too much. Perhaps it will be enough for now to tell you that I do know. I do understand. I know, and I love you too. Sometimes the world seems too dark when I'm alone. I worry that I will lose my way, and never find the path that I was taking.

Yet I know that if I close my eyes, and listen for the voices of those I love, I will eventually find my way back. I sometimes lie in bed... and stare at the empty space beside me. I wonder if I could possibly imagine you there, simply by recalling your scent, your eyes, your warmth, and your feel. Sometimes I think that I might break myself, wanting you to be there, wanting your arms around me, and wanting to stare into your eyes