And now I am almost done

And now I am almost done with fumbling towards a grace that never wanted me anyways. I have fallen too many times, and broken too many bones for these wings to spread and fly again. I have grounded myself through my own mistakes, my own imperfections, and yet… I could still live within this humanity.

I am almost done with chasing impossible stars, catching rides on dragonflies, and singing to the sky and hoping it will answer. I am almost done with dreams and idealistic images of who I am and what I could be, and I’m finally settling into an idea of what I am.

I am almost done with trying to give my everything, almost done with shattering this broken mirror image again and again upon the shores of other people. I am almost done with being desperate for something that is just beyond reach. Maybe it is time that I picked up the pieces and made something new from all of this. Maybe if I just believe hard enough, those stars won’t be impossible. If I just let myself believe again-in you - in me-in this world-and allow all that I have seen and been and ever will see and be, flood through me and into me and out of me, do you think I could begin again? Do you think that the world could look into my eyes and see someone strong, someone proud, someone beautiful? Do you think that I could be as beautiful as before I discovered all the things that I had lost?

Or is there beauty in my brokenness, in the knowledge of my loss? Is there some kind of tragic magic within me that I do not understand? Can I create and create until the world sees the things that I have, that I do, that I will always?

I am almost done with words, almost done with falling from starlight to sunlight and back again. I am almost done with learning to temper myself, my emotions, my thoughts and actions with logic, because logic has failed me too many time. Logic is flawed, logic cannot bring me love, or happiness. It cannot restore passion in my soul, or stir the flames from which a phoenix will rise.