Depression

Tonight my soul is in mourning. A profound sadness encroaches my spirit and robs the light and creates the shadow that dominates my consciousness. Carelessly trampled underfoot by indifference. As I sit and watch the long shadows journey to their nightly rest as we spin and pirouette into the dark night. The glowing remnants in men’s hearts keep the darkness at bay while we journey into night, with fear, with fear as companion. 

My light gone, profound sadness compounded by sinister fear, a terrifying trip into the darkness, alone, and in silence. Please spin me round with good God speed to face the glory, to make certain path, as rational thought is replaced with a tyranny of ill conceived emotional directives. Unguided by an empty heart, soul missing, hidden amongst the shadows, cloistered by spirit demons, behind curtains, hidden by countless others, unfurling one to reveal yet another. My entrance made into the crystal soul cavern, a wrong turn made? Roaming, trekking timeless limbo, Dante’s Purgatoria? Inferno? Paradiso? A whirling specter mocking my frantic gestures unguided movements. Away, away into eternal abyss, infinite, layered upon infinite. 

The hunger for knowledge to bridle the starvation for passion, Pangs, wrenching, increasing desperation. Shadows moving, my heart beating faster as a renegade pendulum swings unchecked through the unending blissless night. Entering the obscurity of my sub-stage of my complex wonders. Led through the contorted conduit, the witness stands as an apparition, perhaps a cruel manifestation taunting my self-imposed despair? What is this? A lantern to borrow? A sharing she-spirit with caring intention. A companion for the journey into these murky regions, slowly transforming, oh mysterious soul-spirit. To what degree can this bringer of light remains at these depths, the impenetrable soul shadow, with careless disregard for her self-preservation? And she still keeps on as I sink, into a vast retreat; subtly changing it’s substance. An incredible silhouette! Silver shades bring mercurial light shadows. A divine chain to a reckless playful heart, courage to salvage my isolated spirit. 

From the deepest down up to the highest. The demon dimly presenting its form, savagely defending the tirade set upon by the phantom soul-guide. Striking, obliteration of darkness as her only intention, a foreordained demon-slayer goddess. I for hunger and thirst, of flesh and bone; she of fire and kindness. The resolution at hand, an exodus? Hoping a blissful dream? Let it gleam! Let it glimmer! The unforeseen touch, the unseen seen. A desire to satisfy, a generous soul. Kindness towards me, go away enemy of light! In the morning, coming out of the dance, into the starshine … would I damn myself for that? And to say then, just look at her. Beauty none knows, not spoken, witnessed, or perceived, never to be forgotten. 

This wintry barricade, who built that? Who destroyed that? Only a fading scar remains as testimony of the journey. Left by the architects of savagery. Unharnessed sadness tamed by the fury of the onrushing light. And what a flood to behold! A river of light, of luminescence. Over this gloomy insurrection of the soul eclipse … vanquished, ousted and outshone everywhere by light and truth. Everywhere by light and truth. Everywhere light! …. Light! And all things that came from shall then return to it.