I don't know what it is
I don't know what it is about getting hear her voice that makes me so elated. I love just sitting and talking to her. I love thinking about being in her arms. I love the way she holds me, or the way she touches me so delicately that it seems she thinks I'll break. I love everything about her. I know I've said that a million times, but I mean it. I just want to be with her now! The sooner the better. Sigh. All I want is to cuddle with her for hours on end. I know I must sound like the most inane and obsessed person on earth, but I can't help it. She's always somewhere on my mind. She brightens my day just by being. Even when she does things that frustrate me, or pushes me the wrong way, I still think about her, and it still makes me smile. It's so amazing to think that some one loves me like she does. I love the way this feels, and I love how it's not necessarily the easy thing, but it happens as it will. It is as if the whole relationship moves in its own way, of its own will. It just happens, in the most natural way. Sigh. I don't know. I'm a silly silly lovesick child. I just want to be near her again and listen to her speak. I want to just close my eyes and listen to her for a while, and relax and be. I need it.
I thought about just leaving last night, and talked about it with a friend today. I thought about this summer, and the evening when we did just that. I miss that. I feel like its going to become a little ritual I have to perform every now and then. I'm going to just have to pick up and leave for a bit, shed everything that I hold dear, and go. I need that reassurance. I need that freedom. My feet start to itch when I stand still for too long. Sometimes I just need to get away from everything, and right now, I really have the urge to do that. I just want to abandon everything, and go. I want to hide in the mountains and meditate and be alone in my own mind, and not have to share myself with anyone but myself. Sometimes I'm selfish, but sometimes I need to be in order to renew myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Sometimes I just need to get away from everyone and everything so that I can be quiet for a while, so that I can just sit in that personal silence, and let myself be part of it all. This is one of the best times of the year for that too. I find I do it a lot in the fall and winter. I find that I stand outside in the dark more, because that absolute stillness is so perfect. The whole world is just that much sharper when everything seems to be settling down, or going to sleep. Summer is so busy. Fall, the earth is settling. In winter, it is asleep. It takes a moment to be still, and to breathe. Sigh. That's what I need right now. It's what I'm craving. "Maybe I'm a little crazy, but laughing out loud makes is all pass by." (DMB "Spoon")
I thought about just leaving last night, and talked about it with a friend today. I thought about this summer, and the evening when we did just that. I miss that. I feel like its going to become a little ritual I have to perform every now and then. I'm going to just have to pick up and leave for a bit, shed everything that I hold dear, and go. I need that reassurance. I need that freedom. My feet start to itch when I stand still for too long. Sometimes I just need to get away from everything, and right now, I really have the urge to do that. I just want to abandon everything, and go. I want to hide in the mountains and meditate and be alone in my own mind, and not have to share myself with anyone but myself. Sometimes I'm selfish, but sometimes I need to be in order to renew myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. Sometimes I just need to get away from everyone and everything so that I can be quiet for a while, so that I can just sit in that personal silence, and let myself be part of it all. This is one of the best times of the year for that too. I find I do it a lot in the fall and winter. I find that I stand outside in the dark more, because that absolute stillness is so perfect. The whole world is just that much sharper when everything seems to be settling down, or going to sleep. Summer is so busy. Fall, the earth is settling. In winter, it is asleep. It takes a moment to be still, and to breathe. Sigh. That's what I need right now. It's what I'm craving. "Maybe I'm a little crazy, but laughing out loud makes is all pass by." (DMB "Spoon")
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