Things I want to do...

I want to start drawing again. I used to draw, not well mind you, but I used to doodle for hours on end. I'd spend whole days locked in my room trying to recreate with pencil and colors the images that I desperately want to portray through words.

I want to take up singing again. I used to sing in choir and I used to love to do it. I used to have such a nice range, and was able to belt out all my favorite tunes so they carried through the air. I used to be so full of song.

I want to pick up my flute and start playing again. I want to remember how my fingers moved across the instrument, and the way it felt to listen to myself play when I really knew and felt the song.

I miss the way that all these things felt and how they were such an incredible release for me, even though I was not exactly great at any of them. I still loved them.

I miss the freedoms that I used to enjoy when I lived only for myself. Yet I know that if I gave up the responsibility of my relationships, of living for others as well as for me, then I would miss the burdens that I have willingly accepted.

Sometimes though, I want to run. I want to just close my eyes, point at a map and leave. I want to get far far away, to run from the world as fast as I can, until there is no looking back, until there is nothing left but myself and an open road with an endless horizon.

Then sometimes I don't know what I want. I just want to hide from the world, curl up in the arms of the woman that I love, and hope that it will all just roll over us like a storm.

Some days...