When death is all you wish ...
It's simple really. He was so lost in her that he had no intention of ever finding himself again, besides, he knew he had gone too far to turn back now. As he closed his eyes, he heard her whisper those words and the world wasn't the same, rather it now belonged to her and he was nothing but an ornament. "Welcome to my dream", she said. For a moment he thought she was the product of his imagination, perhaps the substance of his illusion fully presented in the form of a gorgeous female entity. He pondered this and came to the conclusion that he had lived too long in a vacant state of consciousness and she was nothing but his dream, somehow her presence filled the emptiness and even though she wasn't real, it didn't matter to him. He wanted her to proclaim that she was just as lost as he was and that if he wished, she would take him in her arms and together they would become one, she would give him heaven if only for a brief moment. She sat next to him in the sand and said nothing, only looked him in the eyes from time to time with the most gentle and loving expression. She wore black lace and her eyes were as dark as the night sky.
"Would you like to meet your creator", she asked. "Wouldn't you like to speak with the devil?"
"Yes", he said, "I would love to meet them both".
"And what makes you think I'm speaking of two individuals?"
"Are you saying the devil is the father of my creation"?
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying, and I'm here to take you home, straight to hell".
Oh this is too wonderful he thought. He was definitely wicked enough to be the son of Satan. How strange it was that this being could speak such harsh and frightening words and make you feel so loved at the same time.
"When do we leave", he asked her.
"When do you want to leave?"
"Now is good, let's be on our way, I'm sick of waiting."
"Take my hand and soon the world will grow cold, you won't ever feel the presence of God again and the world will forever be a nightmare".
"And what has it been so far, may I ask?"
"You can never know what the world has been until you know what it will be in the end".
The darkness had since been drowned out by a bit of moonlight and when the boy looked into her eyes, he saw that they were mirrors and he saw nothing in them but himself. He was beginning to feel truly afraid and he didn't want to let himself believe that this was real any longer. He wanted to wake up, but wasn't sure if he was dreaming. Suddenly she took his hand and asked one last time if this is what he wanted.
"For the love of God!" he shouted, "I don't' want to die!"
"Don't lie to yourself, you've spent your entire life dying".
Never had he been more afraid then at this moment. She was so right. He had spent most of his life wanting death. Before he could scream, and to his astonishment he heard himself utter his last word…
"Yes", he said.
He felt his hand in hers and something that can never be explained began drenching every inch of his perception. He felt the warmth of his blood slowly turn into a chilling numbness. The stars began to descend and he screamed as the sky fell upon him. He closed his eyes and soon he realized that he didn't need them to see what was happening. The truth is he had no eyes to shut, his body was now taken from him and he was nothing but an addition to an infinite darkness. He had nothing left. Despair filled his soul, he even tried to utter those same words, "I've spent my entire life dying", but the words didn't come out. Rather the emotion of trying to force them out began to surround him and become a meaningless whimper that was heard by no one. He never wanted it to be like this. He never thought that the meaning he tried to find in surrendering to himself would bring with it the shadow of Death, an open door to this, a door he willingly opened. A horrifying laughter began to break the silence, and while he was relieved that it was still possible for him to have something besides silence and darkness, he knew this voice all too well. It was she, she was there with him.
"You'll learn to love it here", she whispered, "you'll learn to love me. It's that same fascination that you knew would ultimately bring this, and this is the only fulfillment you are ever going to find".
Again she laughed. She was mocking him. In an instant he felt his skin against the sand again. He saw the twilight and he heard the seagulls. There she sat, and he was still looking her in the eyes, those horrible reflective eyes. He saw himself in her, and he began to tremble.
"Would you like to meet your creator", she asked. "Wouldn't you like to speak with the devil?"
"Yes", he said, "I would love to meet them both".
"And what makes you think I'm speaking of two individuals?"
"Are you saying the devil is the father of my creation"?
"Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying, and I'm here to take you home, straight to hell".
Oh this is too wonderful he thought. He was definitely wicked enough to be the son of Satan. How strange it was that this being could speak such harsh and frightening words and make you feel so loved at the same time.
"When do we leave", he asked her.
"When do you want to leave?"
"Now is good, let's be on our way, I'm sick of waiting."
"Take my hand and soon the world will grow cold, you won't ever feel the presence of God again and the world will forever be a nightmare".
"And what has it been so far, may I ask?"
"You can never know what the world has been until you know what it will be in the end".
The darkness had since been drowned out by a bit of moonlight and when the boy looked into her eyes, he saw that they were mirrors and he saw nothing in them but himself. He was beginning to feel truly afraid and he didn't want to let himself believe that this was real any longer. He wanted to wake up, but wasn't sure if he was dreaming. Suddenly she took his hand and asked one last time if this is what he wanted.
"For the love of God!" he shouted, "I don't' want to die!"
"Don't lie to yourself, you've spent your entire life dying".
Never had he been more afraid then at this moment. She was so right. He had spent most of his life wanting death. Before he could scream, and to his astonishment he heard himself utter his last word…
"Yes", he said.
He felt his hand in hers and something that can never be explained began drenching every inch of his perception. He felt the warmth of his blood slowly turn into a chilling numbness. The stars began to descend and he screamed as the sky fell upon him. He closed his eyes and soon he realized that he didn't need them to see what was happening. The truth is he had no eyes to shut, his body was now taken from him and he was nothing but an addition to an infinite darkness. He had nothing left. Despair filled his soul, he even tried to utter those same words, "I've spent my entire life dying", but the words didn't come out. Rather the emotion of trying to force them out began to surround him and become a meaningless whimper that was heard by no one. He never wanted it to be like this. He never thought that the meaning he tried to find in surrendering to himself would bring with it the shadow of Death, an open door to this, a door he willingly opened. A horrifying laughter began to break the silence, and while he was relieved that it was still possible for him to have something besides silence and darkness, he knew this voice all too well. It was she, she was there with him.
"You'll learn to love it here", she whispered, "you'll learn to love me. It's that same fascination that you knew would ultimately bring this, and this is the only fulfillment you are ever going to find".
Again she laughed. She was mocking him. In an instant he felt his skin against the sand again. He saw the twilight and he heard the seagulls. There she sat, and he was still looking her in the eyes, those horrible reflective eyes. He saw himself in her, and he began to tremble.
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